How do I know that she loves me?

Every relationship is different because we all have different values. What is meaningful sign of love to you can be completely different for another -- even between you and the person you love. Assuming that you are in a relationship with a woman, talk with her about your feelings, really listen to how she feels and take that into consideration. Have you told her that you love her? Did she tell you that she loves you?

If you are not even dating yet, you will never know if she loves you if you never ask her out on a date. Both of you need the opportunity to get to know each other.

Answer these questions

Honestly answer the following questions to help you start to figure out the stage of your relationship.

  • How long have you been dating?
  • How well does she know you?
  • Have you given her good reasons to trust you?
  • Are you best friends?
  • Have you met her family yet?
  • Have you met her friends yet?
  • How does she act towards you when you are around her friends and family?
  • How do you know you love the woman?
  • Do you feel that you can be totally and openly honest about your feelings with her?

Some of questions will be different for someone who has been in an established relationship for a while.

Get to know yourself

This is probably even more important than knowing whether she loves you or not.

What would it look like if you knew without a doubt that she loves you?

What would it look like for you to believe that a person really loves you? What would she need to do or say in order for you to feel loved? Different people have different values. If you don’t know the answer to this question, how can the woman you love ever fulfill the role of being the person who loves you? That would be like having a book of “love” rules with no rule on how to feel loved.

You will never know if a woman really loves you if you don't love yourself first. You will always doubt whether any other person does or even can love you – even if they really do.

What you are looking for in a person who would love you? Make a list of musts and nice-to-haves. Would you feel comfortable sharing that list with her?

When people are important to us, we do things like speak kindly of them and resent people who speak poorly of them. We want to spend time with them, protect them and take care of them. We trust them because we know they are always honest with us. They are worth the effort and we respect them ALL THE TIME. Are these things that you feel or do you just want to have sex with her? Do you feel that she feels this way towards you?

Communicate with her

If you want to know if she loves you, talk WITH HER about how you feel. Start by having a conversation with her about what you really want. You may be hoping that she will do or say something that is important and meaningful to you yet she has no clue. Is it really fair to keep hoping that she will guess it right? Or would it make more sense to share that with her, let her know how important it is to you and see if she is willing to do some of it for you – only if she is comfortable with it of course.

Stop trying to guess what she wants and feels. In many ways, would that not be like playing the lottery with your love life? Wouldn't your chances of success improve if you gave her the opportunity to tell you the winning moves? Support each other in the relationship.

Treat her with the same respect and share with her.
Don't live a double standard.

Listen to how she is feeling and what she wants. It is important to stop what you are doing and thinking of and be in the moment with her. If you are nervous about talking with her about such things, know that this is perfectly normal at first. Part of loving someone is trusting them enough to put yourself in a vulnerable position and knowing in your heart that she won't use it to hurt you. The first time can be a big leap of faith but can be well worth it.

If she doesn’t respond in kind, and you are a great guy, perhaps you need to let her get to know you better. Don’t jump to any conclusions. You can’t make someone love you. You can only be the best version of yourself and hope that you are what she is looking for.

Hope this helps. Take only what makes sense to you and forget the rest.

Best regards,

Michael Milette


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